Plus is not a verb.

Picture this scenario: a bright spring day; a room full of eager youngsters ready to plumb the mysteries of the universe; and me with a smile on my face, a song in my heart, and a twinkle in my eye. The students hang onto my every word and, with pens at the ready, fill their notebooks with my wisdom. They stand on chairs shouting ‘Oh captain, my captain!’ At some point, a confetti canon goes off.

After twenty minutes of scribbling eldritch formulae and alien symbols onto the whiteboard, I ask unto the class ‘how, then, do we obtain our final result?’

A multitude of hands reach for the heavens and I point to a young man with neat hair and large glasses. The eyes of the class, the gathered crowds outside, and Apollo himself gaze upon him. He clears his throat, steels his nerves, and speaks:

‘You plus the numbers together.’

My eyebrows twitch, blood vessels burst, and soul caves in on itself. There, alone on my hill, I die, with a death-rattle that sounds suspiciously like ‘add, you add the numbers together … ’

…

Alright, it’s an exaggeration, but not by much. When it comes to language I am more of a descriptivist*Someone who focuses on how language is used, as opposed to its strict rule. than a prescriptivist*Someone who focuses on the rules of language, as opposed to its actual use., and I adore the ever-changing nature of the English language*Unless you use 'literally' to mean 'figuratively'. Then we will cross swords., but this is a step too far.

Before you scoff, know that I am fully aware of my pedantry. I am yet to meet a soul as willing to die on this hill as I. Nonetheless, I consider it my duty as a defunct maths teacher to explain the myriad ways in which ‘plus’ can be correctly used.

Here begins the lesson

Each word in the English language belongs to a ‘part of speech’, of which there are eight*Some people consider interjections, numerals, and determiners to also be parts of speech.: nouns, pronouns, adjectives, verbs, adverbs, prepositions, conjunctions, and articles. If you were lucky you learned about most of these at school. Those of us who went to school in the 80s and 90s missed out on a lot of grammar education and have never been the same since.

‘Plus’ can act as a noun, adjective, conjunction, or preposition. Four out of eight ain’t bad*Unless you were one of my students..

Notice that it cannot function as a verb. Okay, sure, ‘verbing*Or denominalisation if you're feeling fancy. And why wouldn't you be?’ is definitely a thing. Even I have been known to verb when the mood is right. That means taking a noun and using it as an action. For example, we can google recipes, friend our grandparents, voice our opinions, and Netflix and chill.

That doesn't mean I have to be happy with 'plussing'.

So how should our eponymous word actually be used? Let’s break down all four cases.

1. Noun

Nouns are one of the few parts of speech I learned about at school. It comes from the Latin word nomen, which means ‘name’. Funnily enough, a noun is a naming word.

‘Plus’ can function as two types of nouns: common*General places, things, and people, as opposed to proper nouns which are specific., and abstract*Concepts and emotions, intangible things.. As a common noun it refers to literal plus signs.

Jeepers, look at that enormous plus sign!

And as an abstract noun it represents the intangible quality of providing some kind of bonus.

Being friends with the boss is a huge plus.

2. Adjective

You can chuck ‘plus’ after a number to change its meaning to ‘at least.’

That fish I caught was 70cm plus!

Or before a number, to make clear that it is positive.

You’re telling me that in golf, my plus 30 doesn’t beat his negative 3?

3. Conjunction*A joining word.

Probably its most common usage, ‘plus’ works as a conjunction when it means ‘also.’

This meal tastes awful, plus it’s making me sick.

4. Preposition*These are the trickiest ones, I think. Prepositions basically connect nouns to something else in the sentence.

This is how ‘plus’ should be used in maths! As a preposition! A beautiful, perfect preposition. I dream of one day returning to the classroom and hurling chalk at my students while screaming ‘it’s a preposition!’ into their terrified little faces as the principal drags me out by my tie and into a beautiful new future.

One plus one equals three.

I don’t even care that the maths is wrong.

As always,

Happy writing.